An Ode to Work Boos

work bae

Put your judge-y eyes away. You have three of them! Your main is talking to the boss right now, about nothing. Trying to buy your late ass a few extra minutes so you don’t get docked and can leave on time. They text you first from the break room to inform you, “The Donuts and Cake have arrived!” They got the drop because they stay eating when they should be working and you keep skipping breakfast. They hate it when you hangry!

The work boo is essential to your career. Who else has all the food menus in their cubicle and the extra cash and order of wings to meet the delivery minimum? Who else has the balls and your trust enough to tell you that dude who got you staring at the monitor, not responding to emails and just gone is cheating on you without it being a whole ordeal or seeming like petty jealousy? What they got to lie for? They just work here.

work bae 3

At times you and the work boo don’t even have to speak. When the boss’s toupe is crooked or your least favorite coworker is micro managing, shoulder surfing, hijacking your workspace with dragon breath and B.O., all you need to do is peak over the monitor signaling for help. An unspoken alliance has formed and cannot be broken. You look forward to laughing about the rescue mission on the next smoke break. Smoke breaks are sacred, even to the non-smoker. You can tell they are your work boo because you miss them when they call out. Even when they tell you a day in advance that they gon’ be “sick” tomorrow.

Your work boo is the only employee worthy of your FB name which is different from your government and set to private. They also have all the proxy sites so you can surf where the corporate network restricts. As an IT Technician I will tell you it is always a good idea to make your work boo the blerd in the communication closet. We know things. You may learn today! The work boo is the only reason we don’t quit this job we hate but desperately need.work boo 6

I know what you judgers are thinking. This sound like the gateway to an affair. You are wrong! There are boundaries and respect. The work boo don’t wanna be bothered after 5. They don’t call you and you don’t call him. Unless of course it’s to warn you… they gon’ be sick. You got love for your work boo, but you don’t love dat dude. Plus you know all your friends and coworkers they are fucking. You don’t want no parts of that, do you? That’s messy. You don’t shit where you eat. Plus you might fuck the boss and you don’t want to fuck that up. There are exceptions to every rule!

You may not have ugly partners or friends even but this is the one relationship where it is socially acceptable to engage the hideous. Ugly sweater, wrinkled button up, coffee breath and stains to match. You accept your sloppy work boo for who they are and their contribution to ya’ll working the least while staying employed. They are bae.

They are all you got to make it in the racist ass, affirmative action needing, diversity be him and you: the black women with more degrees than necessary for this punk ass position at this bitch ass company with petty pay. Y’all see each other in the hall and sing “you and me must never part.” This one is for you work boo. May I never slack off without you! You make every Monday an anniversary.

Portrait of young black fashion designer in Office

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