FBI Confirms ‘The Purge’ Is a Thing, Suggests Black People Stop ‘Freaking Out’

Baltimore Tense As Pre-Trial Motions Begin In Freddie Gray Death Case

Yes, as many of you have guessed, ‘The Purge’ is real. The Federal Bureau of Investigation revealed Wednesday amid news of the Freddie Gray case’s final verdict that a variation of ‘The Purge’ has been in effect since the abolishment of slavery in 1864. The timing has been called a coincidence. Before finally confirming the existence of ‘The Purge’ the Baltimore police department released a statement suggesting that perhaps no one killed Gray or maybe a zombie did it.

“Beats me.” The Baltimore police chief expressed. Later, the FBI confirmed that this incident is indeed a part of the ongoing Purge, along with many other murders considered “unnecessary” as of late.

For those of you unfamiliar,  The Purge  is a movie franchise based on the concept of  legalizing all crime within a 12 hour period. It’s latest installment,  The Purge: Election Year  released July 1st of this year to “meh” reviews.  However when it comes to the real life “purge” the rules are a little different. For one, it’s called “code status quo.” Also notable is that it doesn’t apply to everyone or have any real time frame. The FBI made clear, “code status quo” is still running beta phases which means only select citizens have been chosen to take part.

“We’re still working out the kinks,”  confirmed Manny McWhiterman, head of criminal investigation services.

The FBI asks that black people and other people of color who have been targeted most “not freak out” as the purge will not last forever. They also suggest that movements such as #BlackLivesMatter simmer down so as not to bring too much attention to the many notable murders of black people involving the Purge. The Bureau is not able to confirm when such violent acts will stop.

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