QUIZ: What Yummy Herbal Tea Should Be Your New Healthcare?

 

The GOP finally passed its Obamacare replacement, equipped with great new features like reduced funding for Medicaid, no longer supporting pre-existing conditions like heart disease, mental disorders and sexual assault, and likely leaving millions uninsured. Now all we need is the Senate to follow suit and we’ll be all set to jump right into the future: Herbal Tea HealthCare.

Take this quiz and find out which tea is best for you!

 

1. What’s, like, the least important thing about your health?

a. um.

b. I’m pretty healthy for now actually.

c. How am I supposed to answer th—

d. I have children so I put them first

e. It’s literally all important.

 

2. When will you be a millionaire?

a. Already am!

b. Bih—

c. Literally most people aren’t even

d. I’m more focused on when I’ll become a high thousandaires

e. You shouldn’t have to be a millionaire to have healthcare

 

3. Is healthcare even that big of a deal to you?

a. Eh

b. Yes!

c. It won’t affect me as much but I care about who it does hurt

d. I care about how this affects my children, so yes.

e. Stop trollin’

 

 

mostly A’s: Green Tea:

It’s been called a ‘wonder herb’ for a reason. So when Planned Parenthood gets kicked to the curb you can make this guy your go to, for any and all healthcare needs. And if it doesn’t work, well, you didn’t hear it here.

mostly B’s: Peppermint Tea:

It’s soothing, perfect for stress and let’s say all mental health because this new health care bill don’t fuck with mental illnesses. Ayyyyy.

mostly C’s: Hibiscus Tea:

This tea helps with blood pressure so you can drop those silly endocrinologist visits right now.

mostly D’s: Echinacea Tea:

If your child has a cold, that’s cute. Give them Echinacea and hope for the best!

mostly E’s: Milk Thistle Tea:

We’ll just reserve this tea for whatever we left out. You’ll figure it out!

 

 

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